I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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