guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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