His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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