I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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