My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
