Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
