at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
