I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
