Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
