a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
