the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
