My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
