Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
