Sponge bath it is.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
