He disabled his match.com account in front of me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
