I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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