I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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