So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
