she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
