Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
