He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
