So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
