and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
