GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
