I want to walk on stilts...naked
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
