I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
