I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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