I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
