Your face is a jimmy john
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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