I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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