He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
