woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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