then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
