Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
