I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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