Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
