Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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