If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
