Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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