Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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