if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
