At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
