I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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