3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
