He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
