found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
