So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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