is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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