Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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