I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
